Saturday, September 16, 2006

Useful books

An enormous spider appears. It's clearly coming for you. Or not. What do you do?

Staying calm, place a glass or similar containment device over the creature.

Now gently slide a card under the glass, taking care not to trap any legs. There should be eight after you have completed this manoeuvre.

Transfer to a suitable platform such as a book, and carry to a window or other suitable release location.

No Oracle experts were harmed in the making of this blog.

Reintroduce the creature into the wild, where it can begin a new life free to roam among its own kind. Or just wander back in of course, but spiders are not known for their homing instinct. Or are they? To be honest we haven't checked. This one said something about "Scotland" and "revenge".

Finally, always sterilise your equipment.

Meanwhile in Edinburgh, police were called to a flat in the Stockbridge area following reports of a violent assault...

16 comments:

Doug Burns said...

Me, my other half and The Boys are still wetting ourselves laughing after coming across this.

Class.

How do you know I live around Stockbridge, though?

The pictures of the spider still made me feel queasy :-(

William Robertson said...

Your address is on your cv. I don't think the spider saw it though.

Doug Burns said...

Yeah, I always wondered whether that might be 'a very bad idea' but I reckon anyone who wants to find me probably can anyway.

I don't think spiders can read.

Covenant said...

of course spiders can read. That's why we have the world wide web...

James Padfield said...

Does the author recommend a similar approach for the current daddy-long legs (cranefly) epidemic in Wiltshire or can we just squash the gangly uncoordinated bastards in droves?

Anonymous said...

It looks like a contest now. Who's going to show the largest spider next to any of Tom's book.

carlos mafla said...

Hehehe , you made me laugh...very funny story :)

Doug Burns said...

Anonymous said...
It looks like a contest now. Who's going to show the largest spider next to any of Tom's book.

I don't think that's necessary or welcome :-(

Bill S. said...

Laughed 'til I cried. Well, Doug, next time I guess you'll be a little more discerning in your choice of arachnid termination thomes. I haven't yet found a spider that was afraid of Tom, though you surely could have banished it with any of the Oracle reference guides. :-D

Well done, William.

Bill S.

William Robertson said...

> Does the author recommend a similar approach for the current daddy-long legs (cranefly) epidemic in Wiltshire

Hell no. Those things give me the creeps.

Noons said...

for once, I think WTF got it all wrong!

The proper procedure is indeed, as described, to place the spider on top of the book. The next step is all wrong, though.

You simply find a flat, hard surface and then remove the glass and slap the book on said surface, spider-side down.

Let's call a spider a spider...

Covenant said...

I don't know what you all have against spiders, as developers you should be keen to have them around.

They are very good at deBUGging after all.

Noons said...

did anyone say anythign about a bigger spider?

http://members.iinet.net.au/~nsouto/photos/brrr.JPG

yup, they grow big around here...

Alberto Dell'Era said...

ROTFL :)

Joel Garry said...

This is a big spider.

Thai Rices said...

For which, you need this